


Become Human

by MagicMage



Series: Joshua Shepard [3]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-19
Updated: 2014-07-19
Packaged: 2018-02-09 12:27:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1983015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagicMage/pseuds/MagicMage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard needs to talk, and Garrus knows he needs to talk, but Shepard sucks at talking. So they sit together in silence for a long time, and then instead of really talking they just sort of clown around.</p><p>A short little fic of Joshua Shepard and Garrus Vakarian interacting during Mass Effect 3.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Become Human

They had been sitting in the Main-Battery for what must have been an hour-- Well, Shepard was sitting, Garrus was typing furiously on his keypad and sending rapid fire communications though his omnitool when the feeds were strong enough.

Garrus hadn't been trying to break the silence. Shepard had come in a while ago, without a word, and just sat down his with his back to the coils, his knees up against his chest, and his arms and head hanging down like they were too heavy to hold up. It was times like these that Garrus had to wait for Shepard to speak, because if he spoke too soon he'd spook and rush off to do something 'important' without actually saying what he needed to say.

The first time he'd learnt that, Shepard had ended up so distracted on the next mission he'd taken a bullet straight through the shoulder because he hadn't been looking. Garrus made sure to pay attention after that. That had been back in their time with Cerberus. Shepard had often been distracted then, but there were times when he had needed to talk. It wasn't until he'd started actually trusting EDI to turn off the listening devices that he'd started speaking.

With another glance at the silent commander, whose black hair was hanging over his face because he'd forgotten to gel it back today, Garrus wondered just how long it would take him to say _anything_ this time, or if he'd just get up on his own and leave as he had done on so many occasions lately. Garrus turned back to his work, not letting on that he'd even faltered, if Shepard thought himself a distraction he'd leave as well.

“We could go back to Palaven.” Shepard said, so quiet that Garrus paused and turned to look at him straight on, not sure he'd heard right or was just wishfully hearing it. His mandibles twitched slightly. The look on Shepard's face, now turned up towards him, was one he'd come to know as anguish, and pleading. Every time he did it, Garrus wondered why on earth Shepard would be begging him for anything. It surprised him that it was because Shepard was worried that not being good enough would make Garrus start to dislike him.

The look meant that Shepard was still suffering from Illium.

“And do what Joshua?” Garrus asked gruffly, turning back to his work and trying to pretend they were having a normal conversation, though him using Shepard's first name indicated otherwise.

Garrus had seen plenty of old humans in his time, and Shepard was starting to look like one. It scared him because he _knew_ Shepard wasn't that old.

“Save your family? Save the planet?” Shepard shook his head in the corner of Garrus' vision, then stared at the wall as if he could see through it to the stars which were passing by them.

“Could we?” Garrus asked, tone flat, because he knew the answer, and he knew that Shepard also knew the answer. The silence which fell back upon them made Garrus wonder if he'd pushed Shepard too far with the question. Making him admit that he couldn't do something was probably not going to make him feel better, but if he could manage to admit it then...well maybe he'd start realising there were just things he couldn't do.

“I'm sorry.”

Garrus' sighed, feeling his heart squeeze at Shepard's tone. He'd been saying those words far too often recently, for things which weren't even his fault, things which he couldn't have changed. Those words were probably the reason he wasn't sleeping, wouldn't eat unless supervised, and had started taking refuge in the darker, more empty parts of the ship.

“For what?” Garrus asked, turning back to Shepard casually, “For saving the galaxy? For saving as many lives along the way as you possibly could?” The two steps back, calm and collected, cool act really worked with Shepard. If someone in the room could keep their head and act like nothing was nearly as big a deal as he thought it was, Shepard could start to see things rationally. It was working less and less as time wore on, but Garrus was pretty sure that even a turian general couldn't live with all the stress Shepard was under 28/6.

“For the billions of people who are dying, for the all the people I _have_ killed...for all the failures along the way...” Shepard sighed, Garrus raised his brows at him.

“Commander I'm insulted.” he stated plainly, getting attention for the statement both because of his use of rank _and_ because Shepard hadn't committed a social faux-pas in years against him. The commander looked up at him with shock and apology written on his face, “that you, one single human, would think that _you_ of all the species in the galaxy get to hold all of the blame for everything.”

For a moment Shepard paused, his expression gone blank as he tried to calculate what the heck Garrus had just said to him. Garrus could practically see the wheels turning behind violet eyes, rimmed red and bloodshot by lack of sleep. Then, briefly, a small, self deprecating smile grew on to his face, and he looked away, laughing derisively and shaking his head, gaze fixed on that somewhere beyond the wall again.

“Pretty selfish of me, I suppose.” he muttered. Garrus chuckled, typing more useless calibrations into the keypad again.

“Yeah, you should watch that.”

Their conversation fell into another lull, and Garrus wondered if that was it, if all Shepard had needed was a little pick-me-up to make him feel better. But he didn't leave, he continued to sit there, watching the space beyond the wall.

“Can we put all of the blame on Udina instead?” Shepard asked suddenly. Garrus snorted, and then outright laughed with his head thrown back. Hearing the humour come back into Shepard's voice, even for a second, that boyish tone which heavily implied that he was really hoping the joke was actually funny, was a wash of relief.

Then, for the first time in weeks, Shepard laughed, really laughed. They looked at each other once they started calming down, and then they burst out laughing again.

Once the laughing had actually died down, they sat in silence, sniggering to themselves every once in a while when the joke became funny again. Garrus went back to calibrating and firing off communications, and Shepard went back to his contemplative silence.

And, when the time was right, and Shepard looked like he'd gone back to his heavy thoughts again, Garrus muttered, “Udina,” under his breath which sent Shepard into another fit of giggles.

There was nothing better than seeing Commander Shepard become Joshua Shepard again, even just for a moment. There was nothing better than seeing the commander become human.

 


End file.
